Dear Visitor: Namaste

The ongoing love affair of consciousness with itself, in all its forms and movements, is normally called life. Instead, life is the source that lies hidden beneath. You are life, and no words nor experiences can reach there.

If it comes in pairs, such as bliss versus misery, or light versus darkness, or God versus non-God, it is not what you are looking for. 'Awareness', also called the eye of God, is the first stirring of the undivided void and already something 'set apart' from it, 'existing' apart from it, it is already a 'this', a something, derived. Karl Renz calls awareness the first card. Nisargadatta says: "The fundamental reality is beyond awareness."

You are beyond, or before, or prior to the "I". The "I" is an idea, upheld by identification with certain qualities while rejecting others. It cannot be shed the way a lobster molts its shell, to leave another better version of itself, and it is not possible to abolish it because it is not really there. As an idea, it is recreated day in day out, as 'the experiencer of the experience' or 'possessor of an opinion', or the 'communicator of a knowledge'. It even says "'I' know that there is no "I" in 'you' ", or similar absurd things. At all times, in the costume party of experience, it is there and not there.

"What we are searching for will not be found by effort, and it will not be found without your effort either. This is the knot, the complexity of all religion and spiritual discipline." Osho, Kaivalya Upanishad

Ultimately, you do not control the search.

Dhyan Dewyea